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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946790">Dice and Destiny</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabbyKattene/pseuds/TabbyKattene'>TabbyKattene</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Drag-On Dragoon | Drakengard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Tabletop Gaming, Gen, I apologize to any librarians in advance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:40:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946790</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabbyKattene/pseuds/TabbyKattene</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zero's drunken vandalism ends in a criminal record and assigned community service, she is horrified to find herself reunited with her five ex-best friends. Worse still is that her assignment forces her to be the Dungeon Master for their tabletop roleplay party... a party she swore she'd never rejoin. In the face of chaos, can Zero keep her cool? Or will she finally give Judge Gabriella an excuse to cart her off to jail?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dice and Destiny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Some_User/gifts">Just_Some_User</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The librarian wore a soft, knowing smile as she followed Zero’s gaze, which swept across the musty old room with its shitty carpet and gross wood panelling. Where Zero’s eyes were judgmental and tired, the librarian’s eyes were bright behind her glasses. She was one of those people who looked just like you’d expect from her job- nerdy, awkward, somehow slightly provocative.  “Nobody’s kidding,” she said, and her voice too was the quiet yet commanding sort that Zero would have expected. “You were sentenced to community service, right? What could be more community-oriented than helping out at your local library?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero groaned and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I know that I probably owe the library one, what with the-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The vandalism charges. Because you painted “reading is for pussies” all over our front doors.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“When I was drunk,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>said Zero, as though it made a difference.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “</span>
  </em>
  <span>Look, Ms-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Accord.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, Ms. Accord, it was a shitty joke and I know I have to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>to make it up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A hundred hours worth of something, specifically,” said Ms. Accord.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I was sort of expecting it to be cleaning up the paint, or doing landscaping, or breaking the kneecaps of people who don’t return their books on time. Does it have to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>this?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Zero gestured with all her might to the long, wooden table in front of them. A hefty pile of hefty books, which was normal enough for a library. Pencils, those were okay. Paper, also okay. A white board- that was on thin ice. It had been the numerous and strangely-shaped dice that had made her realize what was going on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You used to play in your youth. There’s records of it. And our tabletop gaming group has gotten so large that we just don’t have the room for everyone to play a single game. It seemed the most feasible to get our experienced players into their own group with a new adventure so that I could concentrate my energy on the beginners. We only needed a DM.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is way more than a hundred hours. I have to do prep work, I have to answer questions- I have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>deal with people </span>
  </em>
  <span>at all. This has gotta be illegal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So was your extremely creative graffiti,” said Ms. Accord with a shrug. “Anyway, the adventure is premade. All you have to do is follow it. Take some liberties with the plot and NPCs if you want, but all we’re going to make you do is follow a script.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero crossed her arm over her chest. “And what if I say no?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then I’m sure that Judge Gabriella will be interested to hear about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh. Fine. But put it on the record that this is absolute bullshit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll do so. Have fun,” said Ms. Accord. “The rest of the group will be here in an hour.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>What Zero should have done for that hour was read over the adventure and complete her preparation. What she did instead was curl up in the corner of the carpeted library meeting room and took a nap. It was the perfect place to do so- the meeting room was in the back half of the library, where the evening sun didn’t reach through the windows. It was secluded, cool, and there was a big wooden table blocking the windows in the door. Nobody would even see her, so nobody could really bother her. Plus, there was a light switch right by the door, so she could make it even darker, something she took full advantage of.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The carpet wasn’t the most comfortable, and from the shade of blue and the multicolored triangular design it likely wasn’t the newest or most sanitary either, but she was able to fall asleep on grosser things. A library carpet was no problem at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was woken by the sound of the big wooden door opening- no, that was the first thing that could have roused her, but the thing that really woke her up was the </span>
  <em>
    <span>giggle. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was a deep, rich, sultry thing, and the perfect precursor for the voice that followed it. “Well, my sweet morsel, if it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>denial </span>
  </em>
  <span>that you’re after…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero’s eyes snapped open. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no. Not her.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, disgusting!” shot another voice, high and sweet but with an underlying current of annoyance. As the owner of the voice spoke, the light snapped on, fluorescents flooding the room and stinging Zero’s eyes. “I’d never think to put myself in such a position. It’s completely unredeemable that you’d think I would!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. No no no no no.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re so cute when you’re so insistent. It’s enough to drive a woman insane,” said the first voice as she walked across the room and towards the table. Zero watched her sit, her legs spreading far enough to put any man on a crowded bus to shame.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The second person followed her over, but did not sit. Instead she hovered over her adversary. Zero could just imagine her glaring judgmentally. “I think I’m the one who’s going to go insane, dealing with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now, now, dear, don’t blow a fuse. I know I’m ridiculously pretty and you must be so terribly jealous that I have a chest that jiggles like Jell-O, but do trust me when I say there’s no need for jealousy. I’m ever so happy to share.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a beat, then a </span>
  <em>
    <span>shift, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and the second voice dropped and roughened at the edges as it burst out into a dark and desperate laugh. “You’re such an idiot, being proud of that </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid, moronic, awful </span>
  </em>
  <span>chest of yours. Don’t you get tired of hauling those udders around like some sort of </span>
  <em>
    <span>cow? </span>
  </em>
  <span>You’re nothing but a cow! And you look like one too, you-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero was just about to break out the popcorn when she heard the door open again and watched in horror as a pair of pristine white boots marched in. Even from just the look of the shoes, Zero could see the confidence that the wearer exuded. The weird, angry sexual tension was cut like butter under a hot knife by her presence- Zero would have sworn that she could have felt something in the air dissipating. “What is all this commotion?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god no. Nooooooooo.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you’re here,” said the second voice, high and innocent again as though it had never been weird for a second. Zero deciphered a sniffle- she had to be fake crying.  “She’s being absolutely and completely uncivilized again! Won’t you make her stop?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first voice giggled again. “Why, I’m only trying to show interest in the life of my dear-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> your dear anything!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Both of you, quiet. What if our new DM walks into the room and the first thing he overhears is this? At least you can’t really hear much from outside the door.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero sighed, quietly as she could. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They hadn’t seen her yet- that had been evident from the get-go, since they hadn’t spoken to her yet. In addition, it seemed that they didn’t know it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>they were waiting for. That meant- maybe she could still see Accord, but how would she get out the door without blowing her cover? Her mind started racing a thousand miles a minute. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. Okay, Zero, think. How do you get out of this one? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She saw the white-booted feet moving to the other side of the room, where the other two were. Their conversation continued, but the voices were lower now and she wasn’t concentrating on them anyway. Her mind was set on a quick escape. If she was careful… yes, it would be simple enough to do it. Staying on her belly, she pulled herself forward with her elbows and forearms. Slowly, slowly, she ignored the burning feeling that the rug left on her non-prosthetic limb. It didn’t matter. What mattered was </span>
  <em>
    <span>getting out, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>getting out fast. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Then she’d go to that Accord lady and say that she could go ahead and talk to Judge Gabriella, ‘cause whatever jail time she wanted to give her couldn’t be any worse than dealing with </span>
  <em>
    <span>these people. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Left. Right. Left. Right. Across the room, then to the door. And by the time she opened it and ran out, they would have only seen enough of her to wonder if they’d seen her at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Foolproof. Flawless. She was a tactical genius with an adonis body to match. The entire military all wished they were her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She approached her exit, the solid wooden door that hadn’t left the 1980’s. Nobody was watching- they were too preoccupied with each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero readied herself to leap up and gun it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then the door opened, missing her head by an inch. In the doorway, two women paused- they’d clearly been walking in when they saw her and stopped. “Zero?” asked the one with cerulean hair and a fluffy-looking sky blue hoodie. “Is that you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like a flash, her escape was gone. The three women on the other side of the room looked over in absolute shock, meaning that there were five pairs of eyes all trained on her. Trying to regain a semblance of dignity, Zero stood and dusted herself off. “No,” she lied badly. “I’m… someone else. Think I found the wrong, uh, meeting room. I was looking for, uh, the prayer group.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zero, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>you,” said high-voiced Four as she ran forward from the other side of the room and- yuck- hugged Zero. “Oh, Zero! We’ve missed you so much! It’s been so many months without you, and we tried to call, but- but you blocked us! Why’d you block us on all your social media? We’ve been waiting and waiting for you to come back! And now you’re here!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Pushing her off, Zero felt a growl of annoyance rising. “I told you, I’m not your fucking precious little Zero!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then who are you?” asked One, tapping one of her white boots as she tilted her head, examining Zero too closely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m… I’m… uhh. Accord. My name’s Accord,” she said, using the first name that came to mind. “And I work here. I’m a librarian, you can see from my, uh, books.” She motioned halfheartedly to the stack of material on the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You work here? I thought you were here for the prayer group,” said One. She was smiling like she had won, which was ridiculous because she hadn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I’m a religious librarian. What, have you never fucking seen one of those before?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two laughed and ran a hand through her blue hair. “The cursing really takes the believability out, Zero! Besides, all of us know the real Accord. She’s the one who DMs the main group! Wow, she never mentioned that you’d be the one who would be in charge of our little breakaway gang. I wonder if she didn’t know we knew you, or if she wanted it to be a surprise?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ew. Stop being nice to me. I’m going to find Accord and I’m quitting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you’re not,” said Three. There was a creepiness to her smile, which was partially hidden behind her long hair. “Because you were court ordered to do this. You can’t quit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How the fuck did you know-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Court records are public information,” Three said, and her grin got almost nasty. Zero felt her face heat up. So Three had known from the </span>
  <em>
    <span>start? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Just like her,  and majorly annoying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, Five sidled up, because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course </span>
  </em>
  <span>everyone in the group had to have their say and </span>
  <em>
    <span>god forbid </span>
  </em>
  <span>one of them could be silent. “So what I’m hearing is that our dear Zero’s been a naughty, naughty girl? Hmm, how interesting. Could she have missed us just so much that she just felt like she needed some proper punishment, like back in the old days?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Back away before I punch you in the gut.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>to the foreplay!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t bring me into this!” Four snapped at Five. “Anyway, dear Zero is far, far too smart for your horrible advances. She is here- court ordered or not- to host a night of mathematics, logic, problem solving, and other intellectual development. And she takes that responsibility far too seriously to be lured in by the whims of the flesh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Four,” said One.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, what is it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please relax.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh!” Four actually put a hand to her closed mouth in an overexaggerated gesture of surprise. Her eyes were wide with false innocence. “I’m sorry… I just got a little bit overexcited, seeing my dear sweet sister after so long.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Heh,” said Three. “Overexcited.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero took two big steps back, only to find herself pressed against the wall and surrounded by her old friends on all sides. “Look, I’m only going to say this once,” she growled. “We’re not sisters. We haven’t been sisters since the incident. The party dissolved. It’s no more. There are no more Intoner Sisters.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But… but we’re all together here and now!” said Two. “I wanna try again! We can do it so much better now that we’re older, can’t we?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. I’m not rejoining your stupid tabletop roleplay party!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One hummed, tilting her head back so her chin stuck up slightly. There were surprisingly rancid vibes that seemed to radiate off of her. Zero tensed. She was up to something. “She’s right,” said One, which made Zero even more convinced that One had some god-awful plan. “She can’t rejoin the Intoners.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because she’s the dungeon master now, isn’t she?” said One. There was a hint of a smile on her face. “Of course she wouldn’t be part of the party. She’s the one calling the shots now. So, ladies, I suggest we refrain from making her more angry than she already is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, you- wait.” Zero stopped and thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One had a point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero was in charge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zero could do anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And if the party pissed her off- she could do anything, and then make it </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Actually, this might be fun. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She rolled her shoulders back. “Okay, assholes. Are you going to stand around wasting time? Or are you going to take your fucking seats so we can do some sword and sorcery bullshit? I don’t have all fucking day, and I’m only gonna be your DM for ninety-nine more hours total because that’s when my community service hours end. So if you don’t want to find yourself stuck when I walk out midway through your big final session, you better listen up.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For once, there was silence, which Zero decided that she liked very much. Slowly, the five players began to move towards their seats, pulling them out and making themselves comfortable. Three took off a backpack and pulled out several cellophane-wrapped health snacks that Zero knew to avoid like the plague, as well as (thank god) a couple bags of chips. All of the players seemed to have also brought their own dice, which were pulled from purses, pockets, and- oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>god- </span>
  </em>
  <span>Five’s underboob. It took only a few minutes before the group was settled, at which point she took the seat at the head of the table, propped the GM screen up, and took a look at the adventure booklet that Accord had provided for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The Malediction of the Curséd Flower From Mt. Bernstein of the Vice Norden: A Campaign for 4-6 Characters, Starting at Level 1</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a very thick book, and Zero had never heard of it before. She turned the first page- the adventure, it seemed, could bring the characters as far as level 15 if they followed all the way through.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course, that’s only if they get that far. If they don’t die.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So!” said Zero. “We’re, uh, gonna be playing </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Male-whaty-what of Some Cursed-Ass Flower From Mt. Whatever. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It’s for dumb beginner characters. So I’m guessing that you’re not playing the same Intoners that you were, uh, back then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, we are not,” One confirmed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two sighed. “It didn’t feel right for us to play the Intoners without you there being Rose!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Also, Four insisted on permadeath, and we all did die in that last session,” Five pointed out. “Except for you, of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Four blinked. “I simply don’t understand why people wouldn’t follow the very clearly laid out rules without my moral guidance! The game creators made a cost on resurrection for a reason. If we got around that by just playing the characters in a different game, it wouldn’t be fair!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s right,” said Three.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re only saying that because you enjoy the flavor of the necromancy scenes,” quipped Five.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Annoyed, Zero slammed her hand down on the table. “Are you all done being happy family so that we can get to the fucking game already? I only have so much time in my day, you know! I’ve got a kid brother to get home and watch, I can’t sit around listening to you five big mouths recount the entire history of your fucking existence!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, there was silence. One was the one to break it. She had that look on her face again, the one that meant she was up to something. “Then let’s get started. I was going to suggest we each go around the table and introduce our new characters-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh yes!” Four said. “I’m playing a beautiful and noble high elf who-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“-but I think maybe you’d like it better if you learned them through gameplay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I would,” said Zero, who nonetheless had a feeling that this was a very bad idea. She turned the pages of the thick adventure until she got to the beginning of the actual story. Clearing her throat and glaring daggers at her table, she began to read.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The five heroines stood in the Cathedral City, alone but for each other. They could see blood splattered upon the cobblestones and bricks around them. The tall buildings that defined the city cast shadows upon the heads of the party, and the piles of bodies around them cast shadows on their feet. The streets reeked with the stench of death and waste from the fallen soldiers who had tried so hard to protect their home in the face of a great beast.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Here, there had been a slaughtering. Here, there had been a tragedy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With the five of them gathered together, however, here there was hope.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sunlight peeked through clouds, blissfully unaware of the horrors that had occurred. It shone its light upon the group, and each of them took their own comfort from it. For a long moment, they were silent, contemplative. The first to speak was the wizard of the party. She cut a small figure, standing at barely five feet even in her heeled boots. There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary about her- she looked to be a human, and not one of particular wealth or poverty. Despite this, she was the leader of the group, the eldest of the-</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Wait, no, fuck that,” Zero interrupted. “You can’t be the eldest, Four just said she was playing a goddamn high elf.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“One can be the eldest if she wants,” said Four. “I don’t mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God. This is just repeating the same damn dynamic that you idiots had when we played the Intoners, only without me. If you’re gonna die, then goddamn die! Make a new fucking character! Change something up! Make her something new! Give her a fucking flaw... besides being a major ass stick in the mud.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine,” said One, and everyone looked at her. “You bring up a valid point. I’ll make some adjustments.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>She was not the eldest of the group, though she held herself with such a great maturity that none could help but listen to her words, carefully spoken and quiet, as is traditional in the aftermath of great terror. There was sadness to her as well, though whether it was related to the current circumstances or endemic to her personality remained to be seen.  “We mourn the losses of this great battle. None have won here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Truly, that was correct- though the warriors had driven out the great terror of the dragon and his partnered spellsword, their deaths had not been ensured. Far from it, in fact. Each woman felt a deep truth in the pit of her stomach: the villains would rise, and they would come after the heroines before taking over the world of Midgard.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Only one way seemed evident. The party must go their separate ways, never to see each other again. Even if some were to fall, the others would remain, spreading peace and prosperity over-</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Wait!” said Four. “You’re never supposed to split the party!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“And you’re not supposed to metagame,” Zero shot back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One frowned. “Four’s right. Anyway, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re </span>
  </em>
  <span>not supposed to railroad us. We’ll come up with a reason in character.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oooh!” Two raised her hand. “My turn! I’ve got this!”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>It was the dwarf who spoke next. She was the only one smaller than the human, though it was not by a significant amount. There were flowers of all kinds woven into her thickly braided beard, and she wore silver-blue armor befitting a fighter of her class. Sheathing her sword, which had not yet earned its name, she looked upon her four sisters-in-arms. “It would be best of us to stick together. In every legend and branch of fate I have heard tell of, those who separate are doomed to die. Should the great dragon reemerge from eternal slumber, we shall defeat it then as we defeated it today- together.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Hang on, moron, who says you’ve heard </span>
  <em>
    <span>any </span>
  </em>
  <span>tales? You’re not the bard. Roll your 20-sided die and add, uhhh, fuck. What’s the modifier for knowing shit?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Intelligence,” said Three.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you might want to be more specific and do a history check,” One said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, sure. That one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two bit her lip as she picked up her 20 sided die. It was cerulean, translucent, and speckled through with miniscule pieces of silver and gold glitter. Rolling it carefully between her finger and her thumb, she let it fall into the palm of her hand before shaking it out onto the long, wooden table. It produced a fantastically satisfying sound (Zero refused to admit that she missed it) as it clattered along, finally coming to a stop on the number 6.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, so you’ve never heard a story in your fucking life. Your parents must have hated you. You can’t say shit about historical precedence or whatever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I can,” said Five. “You said so yourself, didn’t you?”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>The dwarf had opened her mouth to speak, but it was the tall and gangling tiefling bard who cut her off.  With a toss of her silken blonde locks that contrasted against her deep purple skin, she smiled. “Well! We’ll simply have to stick together, won’t we my darlings? As heroes-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(“Not heroes. You bitches are level one, remember? You’re cannon fodder who got lucky before and probably won’t get lucky again,” Zero said as she popped a chip into her mouth.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As </span>
  <em>
    <span>concerned citizens </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>future heroes, </span>
  </em>
  <span>we have no choice but to band together and track down the dragon and his minion. It’ll be plenty fun, a true adventure. We can talk… huddle together for warmth… I can show you how long my sword is… perhaps as I’ve heard we were lucky to survive before, we may even go so far as to get lucky once again...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, disgusting!” snapped the paladin in response. She was a high elf to the core, her appearance seemingly taken from the sourcebook itself. Straight brown hair tumbled down her back in two pigtails, covering much of her gleaming armor. “It’s just like you to be like this, you unclean demonic freak! I should smite you myself, you absolute-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Four,” said the human, “please don’t bring your personal grudges into the game. Stay in character.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The paladin sniffled, and took a deep breath. “Of course. I, the wonderful Lady Clover van Quadriga of the Ivy Court, paladin and devotee to the goddess Prima, will pray for your holy soul.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oooh!” said the dwarf. “That’s a really pretty name!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we finally sharing the names we picked out? I’m so excited. Cent helped me with mine! I am Rua Dualstones, and I’m the coolest fighter to ever, well, fight! You have my sword!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A black-furred tabaxi sorcerer grinned. There was something slightly crazed in her eyes, and the rest of the party elected to ignore it. “I am Death Comes In Threes,” she said. “Death is fine for short.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Una Sui Generis,” said the human woman. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That leaves me!” said the tiefling. She curtseyed deeply, eyeing each of her compatriots, although her eyes seemed to rest on Lady Clover the most. “You may call me… Chastity.”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Zero erupted into laughter.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Well!” said Chastity, clasping her hands together. “Now that we are all introduced, I suppose our next order of business is to hunt down a dragon and his plaything- together. Ah, such a chase has been the dream of bards everywhere, has it not? I’d love to see what I could do with a captured dragon… all ensnared in a trap of my own making.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re to kill the dragon,” said Una. “If you have other ideas in mind for a dragon, you can find one yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a bad idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lady Clover stepped forward, so that she was at the center of the informal circle the group made. “If I may? I believe that it is terribly necessary that we come up with a plan. There’s a great evil that plagues our land, and it is my job as the most noble and powerful Lady Clover van Quadriga of the Ivy Court to ensure that my people are safe from this most terrible threat.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What sort of a plan do you have in mind, Clove?” asked Rua.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, do refer to me as Lady Clover,” said Lady Clover. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, Lady Clover, but what’s your plan?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence was the only answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was, as perhaps predicted, Una who stepped forward. “We should embark on an adventure,” she said. “We will travel from land to land and search for the villains. We shall start from the easternmost  land and make our way in a circle, back up towards the Cathedral City once more. Then, as we find our quarry, we shall slay them wherever they may be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds like a great idea!” said Rua. “But, um, is anyone else a little nervous about something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s there to be nervous about?” asked Chastity airily. “It’s a grand plan from our grand leader.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, uh, not to break the fourth wall or anything, but didn’t the title of the adventure say something about a flower? Why are we going after a dragon and some girl?”</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>“Seriously, Two,” growled Zero, who was also very confused about the plot as she had done no prep work, “stop metagaming.” </span>
</p>
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